Flowtoys Special Event: 31 March 2015, Emeryville, CA
(Crowd murmurings and then applause as Sean appears on stage)
Sean von Stade: Hey thanks for being here. (Loud applause)
It’s great to see y’all today.
Sean: A quick update. We’ve sold our 500,000,000th podpoi last week. Half a billion podpoi. That’s a lot of poi. (Laughter)
As of last week, Flowtoys is now the most valuable company in the world. (Applause)
We beat Google, Exxon-Mobil, and Wal-Mart.
When you think about it, these other companies have complicated ways of making money – selling ad space, drilling oil, distributing cheap goods that are bound for landfill.
We do something really simple: We create delightful products that do something amazing.
It’s remarkable to think about the power of making things people want and just selling them. (Applause)
Sean: Boy, do we have something special for you today. It’s one of the best products we’ve made.
With the flowlight, we brought you the concept of beauty in a glowstick. With podpoi, we gave you irresistible lights that made everyone want to play and flow.
Today, we’re bringing you the one light to rule them all.
So, how do we do that?
Some of our friends think the answer is in more gaudy color combinations and blinkiness. Yuch, who wants that?
We don’t do blinky, because it just feels plain wrong. Nobody wants an old myspace page thrown at their eyeballs.
Ouch – sorry about invading your visual space there.
Personally I like the feeling of a pretty diffused glow. Here at Flowtoys, we think there’s something magical about light.
Today Flowtoys reinvents illumination. We’re calling it: flowbulb™.
Here’s what it looks like:
Sean: Isn’t that pretty? (Loud cheers) Just gorgeous. This is the best illumination device you’ve ever seen. It’s probably the prettiest thing you’ll have in your home. (Laughter)
It comes in just one color: clear
When you turn it on, it just feels right. Mark and his team really nailed the number of lumens on this one.
It glows remarkably. Boy have we patented it. Using SolarFlow LEDs, your whole home lights up like a sunrise over paradise.
When your life lights up so easily, you notice you’re able to transcend any challenge.
Sean: It’s embedded with nano-prisms that let us do some really cool stuff. As you go about your daily life, the flowbulb automagically tracks your levels of consciousness on your iPhone and FitBit. It’s incredible.
Whenever I need to shed light on a problem, I just pull out my bulb and the solutions just come flowing forth. It’s the most natural feeling in the world — clarity and vision.
I can think about any challenge that needs solving, turn on the light, and voila!
Your original solutions are what will change the world.
Sean: So what’s a flow arts company doing making a lightbulb? Well, Flowtoys is a personal illumination company.
Flowbulb will change the way you think. It takes your creative mind and sheds more light on it.
I use this bulb everyday. It brings a smile to my face each time I turn it on.
When I have a really big problem to solve, I shed more light on it with the flowbulb+.
Sean: So how much does it cost?
The flowbulb is available for purchase starting today at $100, and the flowbulb+ is available at $200.
Go ahead and illuminate your life. It is the best light you’ve ever used.
You can purchase the flowbulb and flowbulb+ on flowtoys.com for shipping immediately. (Applause)
It’s the world’s best bulbs for the world’s best solutions.
Thank you. (Applause)
(Sean exits the stage and this epic event is over).
The framework for this April Fool's blog piece was heavily plagiarized. Thank you Kim Jong-Moon for your brilliance on Quora!
